Marital crisis – the online practise

A marital crisis is often rooted in reasons of biology

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Just what is wrong with our marriages these days? Never before have we had so many divorces, separations, and marital crises. Almost 50 % of all marriages end up in divorce. Each week there are reports of separation and marital crises ending up in heart breaking tragedies. Worst off are the children who may end up traumatized for life.

It appears to be programmed that each marriage will get into a crisis eventually. Our biological nature doesn’t seem to be set up for only one lifelong partner. Evolution has shaped us in ways that our „couple time” is medium term. Over hundreds of millions of years it was necessary that partners took care of their offspring for 3 years, then the children were out of the woods and the mother no longer needed the father as a breadwinner and provider, the attraction between the two decreased and eventually both became involved with new partners to play the same game for yet another round.

Yet it paid off for our evolution if a female could utilize „fresh” genes from a new man. That said, our nature offers the option of an expiration date for love, or in other words, to be able to bond more than once.  Adultery, as an inheritance, is another reality that inevitably leads to a marital crisis.

Millions of year old patterns take over

DNA - the genetic substance

DNA – the genetic substance

The women’s movement initiated socio-political changes and led to a dissolution of traditional male and female role patterns, as well as an expansion of female autonomy.  Today, modern women don’t depend on men as much anymore as it was a relatively short time ago and so they are less willing to hold out in unhappy marriages.

As a matter of fact, today it’s often women who want to leave a marriage behind. Without society’s pressure to stay in dysfunctional marriages old psychobiological forces in us can take over – by way of the millions of year old patterns.

If couples get into stormy waters, there is often a plenitude of biological reasons. Sometimes they appear hopelessly trivial and we are bewildered how such a small incident could trigger a huge marital crisis. In any case, if a marriage is supposed to withstand those ancient forces within us, long term relationships will benefit from loving attention and good care. Keeping the „we” factor in mind as well as being considerate of each other’s needs can sometimes lead to considerable sacrifices for the partner.

Depression and psychosomatic symptoms may be the price for keeping an exhausting relationship going.  Each couple has to decide for themselves, how much they are willing to give, and if it may be worth it or not.

The following chapters illuminate the topic „marital or relationship crises„ with a few examples:

Partnership and marriage (the lazy husband
Adultery
Separation
Loss of sexual interest (libido)
The broken heart
Porn addiction