Appetence disorder – the online counseling

(Part 8 from: The Man-Woman-conflict from evolutionary-psychological view)
(How spiritual assessments from the primeval times guide and influence love relationships)

She loses her pleasure for sex


© Dron /

In a long-term relationship, for many women, the change of their emotional attitude toward their partner takes place in a somewhat different pattern:

For many, the sexual need fades away more or less when, all things considered, everyday life has settled in and everything is satisfactory in a harmonious, secure and stable relationship.

This is mainly the case when children already resulted out of the relationship. The feeling that she doesn’t have to make any effort anymore for the affection of her husband is already dominant in her subconciosusness.

Her reduced libido is very prone to negative influences in this phase of the relationship: Divergences, small quarrels or anger are taking her lust entirely to point zero. This “anti-eroticism” of a husband in the 21st century has to do with a functional change, which the female sexuality was subdued to for millions of years.

For many animal species in nature, the sexual activities are linked to firm rutting and mating seasons, with the consequence, that no sexuality exists outside of these time frames. The sexual motivation of the female coincides exactly with the time of her ovulation. The biological meaning of sexuality is absolutely clear here: It serves solely to generate offspring.

For example, humans and Bonobos can be differentiated here: Women have a sex drive and are motivated to have intercourse, even if it is not possible for them to become pregnant. Here, evolution disconnected sexuality from reproduction to put it into commission with another function. It is not like that with men: It is always possible for them to have a reproductive strike when they have sex. Due to these facts, we can make the assertion that human females “utilize” their sexuality by nature to tie a man down. This female power was urgently necessary for the benefit of the joint child in primeval times. Its survival was crucially dependent on the cleverness of the mother, to keep the respective partner to stay with them.

Fear keeps the libido up

In archaic times, a woman could lose her partner through war, sickness, a hunting accident or through another woman. The big difference, compared to nowadays, was the fact that the survival of the child was at stake. This is something mothers, who are completely secure in their ideal world these days, couldn’t even begin to imagine. Most likely, the man had such an immense importance for the woman, that she did everything – within her means – not to lose him. This importance only existed for as long as the woman was breast feeding. Normally, she could not get pregnant again during that time frame.

It must have been endlessly difficult and dangerous without male protection and burdened with a small child, to search for food in the wide African savannah. The perception is not far-fetched that a certain sexual addiction on his part must have been a huge advantage for her.

Obviously, over millions of years, there has been a great selection pressure directed to keep her sexual motivation up during the phases of her dependability. Her need for devotion and his need for sex complemented ideally and resulted in an interlocking of the couple.

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