Love has an “expiration date” – the online counseling

 (Part 9 from: The Man-Woman-conflict from evolutionary-psychological view)
(How spiritual assessments from the primeval times guide and influence love relationships)
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Love has an expiration date

However, the selection pressure ceased as soon as the child was weaned off and could stay in the prehistoric playschool of the group. The woman was free again, autonomous and in the position to provide for herself.

She did not need her man anymore and thus sex with him became expendable. The Moor has done his duty – the Moor can leave! These psychological facts should have cost the sex appeal of the prehistoric woman’s life partner on regular basis and eventually, were the cause for the separation of the couple.

From the genetic side, there might have also been selection pressure, which was targeted to sever an established relationship: It probably makes biological sense for a woman to sever an old liaison and to seek a new one. In doing so, she can pass on her genotype to her offspring in a completely new combination, which added to an increase of genetic variability in the gene pool. This great genetic variety is convenient to prevent the enrichment of harmful genes within a group.

Above, I have expressed, that the wife was always the one who threw in the towel after the critical time. It was presumably like this at the beginning of our evolutionary history, but men adapted to this trend with time; this means, for them the darned „fourth year” also existed.

These biological facts lead to a reproduction strategy of the Homo sapiens, which could be labelled -with constraints – as serial monogamy (I will refer more to these constraints later.).

Unfortunately, these prehistoric psycho-sexual reaction patterns are almost the same as they were in our evolutionary past, even though a modality change of the human love patterns would be extremely welcome socially. Sadly, evolution has not had the time so far to tighten these screws.

Consequently, the sexual attraction of a man to a woman in a long-term relationship – even still in the 21st century – is generally dependent on two factors: For once, from the duration of the relationship and second, from the authority the woman has in this relationship.

If a woman is in such a superior position – for some equality is already enough – she has control and security on her side and her husband will, if he loves her, make stronger attempts toward her than vice versa. For her comfortable position, this has one disadvantage, her sexual desire for her husband gets more or less drastically depressed. The woman can`t even prevent it, because her subconsciousness does not see it necessity to see sexuality as a relationship booster.

She “uses” sex

A proverb says, that if it comes to sex, a man needs a suitable place and the woman a substantial reason.

There is definitely some truth to this, because the sexuality of the woman – like stated above – can be declared as “functionalized”, if regarded from a human-ethological point of view.

This developed over millions of years because evolution favored those women, who could assess the characters of potential candidates well. These clever women avoided those men, who could defy them and favored those, who were of use and could support them to make ends meet with their kids. Later on, their daughters and female descendants presumably behaved the same.

Over gigantic time frames, which evolution had to its disposal, a type of women developed, who would especially be attracted to those men, who could give them advantages.

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This is why a woman – even today – is extreme strongly motivated to have sex, if following requirements are met (List is not complete!):
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• If an imperative desire for children empowers her soul.

• If it is important for her to bridge an emotional distance to achieve spiritual closeness.

• If she sees herself subjected to the presence of a rival and if her husband – whom it’s about – still means something to her.

• If she would like new living room furnishing and her husband would rather go tour the world (Note the slight irony!)
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It shall be noted, that this should not express that women always calculate and consciously use sex to achieve certain goals, since the above mentioned reasons sound so calculated and unromantic. (This certainly does happen and is called prostitution.).

The examples are about a motive that worries women and about a resulting emotional energy, which electrifies the sexual behavior center thus, generates lust for sex.

Good husbands are not automatically desirable lovers

If spouses possess a high partner compatibility, perhaps through the same hobbies and similar approach on life, if their intellectual background and political opinion coincide and maybe even their social position within their birth family is similar…..yes, then an excellent foundation for a harmonic, happy and stable partnership is given. An emotional climate exists, which offers children the best development potentials.

However the erotic dissolves in such relationships like mist in the sun.

The primeval fears to lose a man – like our female ancestors always had and which put them under tension – are not even rudimentarily found in such immaculate relationships. Neither “emotional abysses”, nor “irreconcilable” disagreements, which can cause occasional distance associated with somewhat separation anxiety and discomfort, do exist. This would be a motivational foundation, which could release sexual energy on the woman’s side.

However, a very fine line separates destructive arguments from beneficial passionate quarrels. Unfortunately, it is very hard for many couples to maintain the balance between harmony and arguments for a longer period of time.

The relationship either suffocates from the pursuit of harmony, or the protagonists get wound up more and more by the always reoccurring conflict situations, which destroy their common foundation in time.

The Man-Woman-conflict from evolutionary-psychological view: next page

 

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