Women and orgasm problems – the online counseling
An orgasm is harder to obtain in women than in men
In general, we can say that an orgasm is harder to elicit in women than in men. This biological fact is not just a mere coincidence. If we take a closer look at the functions of the male and female body, then we are able to notice certain differences.
The male orgasm is closely tied to the ejaculation of sperm. For a man, an ejaculation is the condition that allows procreation. During intercourse, the evolutionary process prefers men who have orgasmic ejaculation every single time.
The female orgasm, however, is not directly tied to procreation. As we know, women can get pregnant without ever having had an orgasm during intercourse. If a female orgasm increases the possibility of fertilization while sperm is in the vagina is still being researched.
In other words: To produce offspring, an orgasm is of a higher necessity for the man than for the woman.
The female orgasm serves two purposes:
First, a peak will make her lust for more and second, she will have a closer bond with the man.
This bond is created by oxytocine, a hormone, which is being released in the moment of her highest lust. But this process doesn’t take place in a man. It is safe to argue that an orgasm ties a woman closer to a man than vice versa.
Nevertheless, could it not be that an orgasm which is much harder to trigger be intended by evolution…?
Let’s take a closer look at this. As we know, the females of almost all species are investing much more efforts in procreation than the males. To find the best partner to blend their genes with, females in the animal kingdom are equipped with excellent selective abilities- and the human female possesses the same amazing instincts as well…
The prospect of having an orgasm can certainly entice a woman into having sex, but in terms of evolution, lust should not be her only criteria for choosing a partner, nor is it.
If lust were her only motivation for sex, her selective instincts would receive a considerable handicap and tempt her into having sex just for the sake of it – not to mention with less suitable partners. Therefore, the difficulties with orgasm could be viewed as a protective mechanism.
However, this mechanism can also kick in, while she is already in a relationship, but for some reason she can longer perceive him as a suitable partner. A part of her wants to hold on to the relationship, but another part will stall her erotic engine, bringing the whole affair to an end. Quite interestingly, this inner dilemma can also become a default mode in some women, depending on their general attitude towards men.
Please keep in mind that of course there are also other reasons why women don’t have an orgasm, and because of this reality, it is important to find out the true source of her problem if successful sexual counseling is to take place.
Why a radical feminist may have difficulties with an orgasm
Please understand the following is far from a chauvinistic attempt to denigrate the women’s movement – it merely serves as an example to illuminate the psychosexual mechanisms which have developed over millions of years.
The reason why a „radical feminist” can help us so well to understand the process at hand is, that we can boldly assume just a dash of misandry in her, resulting in a conducive atmosphere which creates orgasm difficulties.
Of course it is unwise to pass any general judgements here and we wish to make it clear that many feminists will have no problems whatsoever with orgasm, but in this case, their general attitude towards men will likely differ from our radical feminist below.
Our little example is of course purely fictional, and all similarities with real people would therefore be a coincidence.
Let’s call our demonstration object Sue. Sue is a so-called „radical feminist”, a unionist and is employed as an equal opportunity commissioner. Her field of expertise is monitoring equal treatment issues between men and women. Due to her ideology let’s give her a bit of war-paint as a „man-eater”, who is feeling a latent hostility towards men and most certainly distrust. She spends her days hunting them down with a magnifying glass, discovering macho pigs everywhere trying to victimize poor women.
It’s not hard to imagine that this attitude will create a repercussion in her private life. Any man who encounters her will be suspect, wishing to suppress and dominate her if he gets a chance. Any man who falls in love with this battle-some feminine warrior may feel like he’s trying to tiptoe across a minefield, cautiously weighing each word on a golden scale to avoid suspicion.
If he is this submissive, however, he will inevitably end up in an inferior position to her and will hand over all dominance in the relationship to her, – without which she would not even be able to begin to envision any type of relationship anyhow.
Wing-clipped men can’t make butterflies flutter
Sue is greatly pleased by the fact that no man can dominate her, but on the flipside, the very same fact is a source of defeat in her sex life.
Since our personalities always consist of several sub-personalities, it can happen that two sub-personalities get in each others way and one will win at the expense of the other.
Most women, including Sue, can experience sexual arousal only if they admire a man in one way or another. This is a deeply rooted trait in woman’s nature, making sure that he provides the good genes she demands for her offspring. It’s pretty much irrelevant what it is that she admires, but her sub-consciousness will associate admiration with good genes. But since Sue is focused on fault seeking, she keeps nipping all admiration for men in the bud, and gets them under her thumb.
Sue will then relish the victory she feels her gender deserved, – but it turns out to be a Pyrrhic victory, since all her relationships follow a pattern of frustrating sexual indifference, accompanied by an inability to achieve an orgasm. And how could a quiet and submissive man possibly impress the sex center in her brain if it needs enthusiasm to wake up!
Disappointed, Sue will eventually end up venting her anger, reviling her lover with harsh words. This maneuver could be interpreted as a subconscious attempt to put the blame for her Waterloo on him, in an attempt to protect herself from a realization about herself too painful to allow.
Sue’s relationships remain short-lived, because it’s either the man who throws in the towel, or it’s Sue, feeling he’s just another loser in bed.
But when she seeks romance and comfort in secret erotic fantasies, Sue will find herself dreaming of a man who is tall and strong, dominant and a bit rough, and then, using her vibrator, she finds the orgiastic release she is unable to find with a real man.
Tags: Orgasm problems